Bad Cigar Etiquette
Five Smoking Faux Pas to Drive You Crazy
I was once lucky enough to find myself with a box of Cuban cigars. Feeling happy and fortunate, I showed them to an acquaintance. He immediately implied that they were fakes and then snatched one from my hand and proceeded to inspect the leaf for any imperfection that would prove its bogusness. What followed was a lecture on the faulty infrastructure of the Cuban cigar industry and the generally poor quality of the product. Not only had I been duped, real Cubans were overrated bundles of garbage anyway, so I should have been smoking whatever he was smoking. My experience was ruined.
Here are five cigar smoking faux pas that will drive a peaceful man to burn his eyes out with a hot burning stick.
Doing Anything to Intentionally Ruin Someone’s Smoking Experience
Explaining why someone’s cigar is inferior to the one you are smoking is generally considered to be very annoying. So is interrupting a smoker’s quiet moment with unsolicited banter. Then try lecturing someone on the proper way to light, smoke and ash a cigar, or criticize their current smoke and see how often they invite you over for steaks.
Asking to Try Someone Else’s Cigar
Then handing it back with a glob of slobber dripping off the head, or commenting on how awful it tastes, or asking to try someone’s cigar in general! It’s my cigar, not something to be passed through the crowd at a Phish concert.
Disrespecting Your Local Cigar Establishment
Don’t bring your own stash and then lounge around watching their television sets and eating their snacks without spending some money. The patrons that were there before you were there before you so don’t change the channel without asking. And for everyone’s sake, be gentle. Don’t rummage through the shop's cigars like you rummage through a bin of dirty laundry. Everyone who handled those cigars before you treated them with respect. You should too.
Acting Like an Annoying Show-Off
Wave your high-quality $25 cigar around for everyone to see, display your high-end band so that all must bear witness to its glory, and constantly toy with your $500 lighter. Proclaim in a loud voice that you “only smoke” a certain brand. This will lose friends and win enemies faster than someone offering you a cigar given to them by Bill Clinton.
Improperly Disposing of Your Cigar
The seasoned cigar smoker knows that the proper way to let a cigar die is to just leave it alone in the ashtray so it can go out on its own. But some smokers are not satisfied with such a quiet death and feel the need to make a statement. This includes stubbing a cigar out in an uneaten scoop of mashed potatoes, dropping it into an unfinished glass of beer, or dropping it on the ground and peeing on it.
Let the poor thing die in peace. The rest of us will appreciate it.
by Mark McGinty
April 2011
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